Snow – I love the beauty and hate it all at once.
Ok so the gf and I made it final – we are over. OVER OVER OVER! It is so hard to believe that something I have fought for, for so long can be over that quickly. I feel so many emotions. Grief, happiness, sadness, lonliness, anger, relief and even comfort.
Now even going to bed at night feels uncomfy because she is still here. She is talking about going back to Oklahoma since she cannot seem to pass the driving test here and she let her license expire over 3 years ago. Right now I just want to move on with my life and find me again. I want to be the person I am supposed to be. The person I was meant to be. It is frightening though. I have not been on my own since 1997. I know I can do it – it is just somewhat unnerving. I hope to buy a house by this summer. I know I cannot stay in this townhouse. 5 years is long enough and it is time to bury the memories here and move on. I have not even discussed this with Matt yet – although he has been going through hell for awhile because of her so I think he will take it ok.
On another note – my kitty – Chester – is sick 🙁 He has bene puking since Saturday night and unfortuntely we cannot get him to the vet easily without kitty valium. He has a habit of ripping the kitty door off the cat carrier and escaping. I hope he is ok!
Ok blanket should be dry now and it is way past my bedtime no nite nite! Thank you all for all your thoughts and words when I was going through so much the last few months. It really meant a lot!
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