This is going to be a really big rant – rave – bitch session so I will hide for my friends’ sake.

You know there are times where I think she thinks I am so fucking clueless. So I waited until the kid was at Grandma’s. He hears enough of our fighting and bickering. And since I can never get her off the computer long enough to talk about anything important or relative to life itself I send her an email.

So basically here is the scoop –

When we met 8 years ago online we were friends. She was with a ‘now mutual’ friend of ours who she was apparently seeing behind someone else’s back. Well that r’ship didn’t last too long and before you know it we were a thing. One month into the r’ship she slept with someone else – Annie. Ok so I dealt with that one badly and ran into the arms of another who was physically here. Let’s just say that wasn’t the smartest decision I ever made. So there we were. After I ‘left’ she ran off with someone north of her and brought the u-haul on the 3rd date.

A little less than a year later we got back in touch with each other. Things clicked again so we decided to try things again. I went out there – a 1000 mile journey – and while I was there she left the woman she was living with. Ok so here we have a proven track record – you would have thought I would have clued in on things.

So I go home after my week and wtf – she sleeps with Annie AGAIN!!!!! Twice. Ok I am livid at this point and I say it is over. She decides to pack up her shit and move out here anyways and moves in with my aunt. So I go away for a weekend just to get away and clear my head and stuff. And yeah ok I went to the Indigo Girl’s concert with this friend of mine who I was staying with and while we are there we meet up with the woman who to this day I still drool over (unfortunately I know how to look and not touch) and we share one hopelessly romantic standing in the snow kiss – and nothing more. Mind you the gf and I were NOT together at this point.

So I give it a lot of thought – gf has been on her best behavior – Ok I agree to try this again. Real happy to find out a few months later that the infamous Annie has moved only 2 hours away from us – OMG can this woman not control herself? Well as far as I know for the last 4 almost 5 years she has finally resisted the temptation of Annie. BUT there is more to our little saga…

So we move on to year one – her friend at work loses her hubby (very sad I must say) and I start to notice gf is spending a lot of time with this straight woman. So one night we are all at the Buzz playing Jenga and OMFG the bitch flirts with this woman right in front of me and my friends! Ok so I take a step back and watch things. Later I find out she is cheating on me with this fucking straight woman! And I catch her because she decides not to come home one night and stay over there!

So we finally get through that one (the straight woman got remarried two weeks after this). And things turn cold turkey for 3 years. You would think I took away her favorite toy by not allowing her to cheat on me. So she buries herself into that fucking game. Do you know we have spent over $3000 in the last 5 years on that game!!!!!! She could have bought a car with that money. And to boot – it has no graphics – it is text based!!!

Sex is pretty much non-existent but yet I still stay. She tries blaming herself saying that she just isn’t in the mood – or too tired. Then she said we needed more to spice up our sex life – though she thinks anything beyond missionary position is too immoral and could never see herself enjoying so how in the hell are we supposed to spice it up? Then the excuse was she was tired of initiating it. Well hell whenever I tried I got turned down and nothing but excuses. So I gave up. It has been almost 2 years since we have been intimate – 2 years!!!

And now – now I find out she is having a fucking cybersex fest with a woman in Oklahoma and a fucking MAN pretending to be a woman in game. 8 PM she was fucking cybering some guy telling him that she was sitting there fingering her clit. Fuck that!!! At 8 PM we are barely finished with dinner and the kid is still up!!

So now that I have confronted her with all this she has been all lovey dovey. Fuck this – I want someone to love me for me – someone who will stop screwing around with everyone else. Someone who like romance and can at least come to a compromise with parenting issues. Someone who does something other than sit on that fucking game and play all day. Why can’t I find someone worthwhile? Ok my rant is over. I am tired and tired of all this crap. I am tired of being alone.