It was good to see everyone at Beltane yesterday.

For 11 years, OOTNSR has grown incredibly. I can still remember when we were still Coven of the Night Star Rising and we evolved in such a way that the Coven was just not fitting anymore. Friendships and bonds have been built and a sense of family has come from them. Our Ohio group has been around since 2000. A lot has changed and a lot has happened. People grow and sometimes their own personal paths lead them into new explorations.

Many of you know that I have been searching a different path lately. Yes, this is partly due to my current relationship but also due to my own need to find answers for what is out there. The last couple years have been tough for me. I lost my grandfather and ended a long relationship with someone who did not love me. Since then I have been on a search to find what is right for me and for Matt. The relationship I am in now is a happy one. Matt and I are both happy and while I have chosen to search for what else may be out there it doesn’t mean that I do not treasure you all as friends.

Yesterday I was very disappointed. Throughout the years I have taught each and everyone of you not to judge and first and foremost I have always taught that family comes first, then work, then group. When I was in my past relationship I had all the time in the world to commit to the group. Work was not hectic and my partner at the time was not a part of my life then so time was never an issue. Now I feel I am being judged by many of you because of choices I have made. After going through the many medical problems and such last year it put a new perspective on my life. It also made me realize how important my family is and how much I need to take that time to spend my life with them. I lost my mother when I was 9 years old and now to this day I have very few memories of her. I do not want this to happen with my son and my partner. I want to build on memories and make more – many more. This does not mean that I would not be there for my friends. I love all of you and rely and depend on you as you have me. I know I may have disappointed you by not being around much lately. My work has been beyond crazy and the 124 mile drive I make to and from tires me out more than my illnesses do. Once I am home I want to spend it with my family. But now I feel as if I am being judged and shunned because I made that choice. I am not saying I am not at fault – yes I know I have lagged in getting the rest of the lessons to you but they are locked up in cyberspace and I have not been able to retrieve them nor have I had the time to sit down and re-write them. This I do apologize for. It has not been done intentionally – I do not purposely keep them from you – it has just been circumstance.

For 5 years I have dedicated my life to the group through hard work, emotions, and financial support, but now I think it is time for me to move in a different direction. The group runs fine on its own with the others who have helped lead the group all these years. You guys are capable of making decisions without me here and capable of continuing to grow the group in a way it was meant to be. My path has changed. I will continue to grow in my path just as all of you will as you learn new lessons and search for what is right for you. As far as OOTNSR is concerned – I have no problem with you guys keeping the name of the group as long as you keep the traditions as well. I am still working to get info off of Matt’s computer without much luck and I do have some files and such from over the years. These I will turn into Michael and Selene so that you guys have all of it. I am going to sign off of the main lists (Matt will be added on though because he wishes to stay with the group) but everyone I believe has my email and phone numbers – if not I will post them at the bottom. I will be keeping the Ascension list and I will be working with those people who wish to do those discussions. As for paganism – I am not so sure I am going to continue to practice. We are starting at a new temple soon and I think I want to see if that is really the path I want to take. The only thing I ask of the group is that you look back and reflect. Reflect on what you have been taught and keep those teachings in your everyday lives. And don’t end the friendships. You guys are my family too and I would hate to see that go away.

So with this – I am turning in my formal resignation from OOTNSR. For 11 years it has been a huge part of my life but now it is time for me to move on. I know there will still be people who will not agree with my decisions but I hope one day you will come to understand and that the friendships can go back to being what they were. As a group I wish you guys well and I hope you learn from your studies and learn to reapply them in your life so that you too may evolve and find where your destinies may lead. Right now Costa Rica is still in the plans for later this year and I promise to keep in touch and let you guys know how to get a hold of me. And if you want to see me – you all are welcome in my home anytime. Michael and David have been to my house in Dayton and I would never cut off all ties to my friends.

So in closing let me say thank you – thank you for being the wonderful people you are and thank you for loving and trusting in each other to make OOTNSR what it is today.

Namaste~

Unfortunately teaching people can come to breaks when you realize what you have taught them all of these years means nothing to them unless you totally believe everything they think you should believe.