I feel if I keep chanting that over and over again things will be better this year. I screwed up big time here at the house. I am not used to calling and checking in and didn’t as often as I should and everyone is upset with me. But that is par for the course right now so I should be used to it. I know I will get better with things I just need time to adjust to everything.

New Years was good. I drank for the first time in a really long time and spent it with friends. It was an entire 3 hours that I could forget about K and get her out of my head for awhile. Of course that didn’t last long because I eventually sobered up and wham back came the memories and heartache flooding back in. L wants me to jump into things back to where they were over a year ago and I just can’t. I don’t want what we had then although I do love her and care about her just not in that way anymore. Plus I don’t want any relationship right now. I have enough to deal with without worrying about things such as that.

K screwed things up royally this past week. Apparently through some use of mind altering alcohol she managed to hurt one of her friends dearly by sleeping with E’s gf. K and N expect E just to get over it and go back to being friends just like that and she just can’t do that. N broke up with E because she decided she would rather date/sleep with K and K doesn’t want to date her mostly because she is 4 hours away. She says she likes her and she is cute – which I can agree – and she says N reminds her of me. But E is one of her best friends and she just possibly ruined that friendship. I talked to E about it for long time tonight and she is so broken-hearted over this. I feel so bad for her and totally understand what she is going through. Although this was a new relationship for E, it still doesn’t erase the hurt. Odd thing is I saw this one coming a mile away and knew it was going to happen. E said she misses me and Matt and wants to come up and visit. It will be good to see her – I miss her too! She is a great friend -not to mention tall when the situation arises!

I did stop by K’s today to pick up the stuff I needed for Matt and school. We actually got along for a whole hour or so. I played with Jagger and Pita and fed Morty and we chatted for a bit then I did my normal rubbing her shoulders and popping her back and went and picked her up some brunch before I headed back. She actually gave me a hug. It was nice. I guess it was good for me because it kind of gave me my K fix and I can go awhile longer now. E says K is planning on going back to Cali. I hear that so often that I will be surprised if she ever does. She is talking about finishing the house and then selling it to travel. I guess that irks me more because we only got that house for M and school and now he doesn’t even get that. He never even had a chance to say good-bye to his friends at school.

Getting closer with SR lately. I talked to her for quite awhile tonight and found out I am very similar to her ex who died. She is in theater also like E and working on her master’s degree. And OMG she is 5’11!!! Other than that she lives in Urbana and wants to meet up sometime. We have talked almost a year now and always have great chats.

Oh and I started taking Effexor XR – hopefully my moods will improve 🙂 We will see!

M’s New year’s resolution was to find a hot girl to date lol I love my son. My niece – L – hers was that everyone is happy and healthy this year – I love Princess L so much!

So here is my list of goals for 2006:

1. Get Matt in the new school
2. Make friends in Columbus
3. Get back involved in things I enjoy doing, Pagan stuff, Disc Golf, bird watching
4. Go back to school
5. Find work here after much needed time off
6. Visit some friends I have put off visiting for way too long
8. Pay off all of my bills so I can finally get caught up
9. Sleep normal hours again!
10. Find me again

Positives for me:

1. I have a wonderful and amazing son who loves me unconditionally, even if he is a punk and stays up till 7 AM talking to 15 yr old girls in GA!
2. I have a beautiful niece who is my other ray of sunshine
3. I have people who truly care about me and my son – friends and family who have been there to help me through this mess
4. I have my health and no more tummy pain ever!
5. My birthday is in 16 days and counting
6. I have lots of fun furballs running around the house so I don’t miss my babies too much
7. I have my binos so I can go bird watching now
8. I will have my taxes in about 3 weeks!
9. Hopefully going to Springbourne in Feb and Greening and Summerset and will be doing an Ascension Mastery workshop at both
10. That it is now 4:30 AM and I am finally sleepy!