Well yesterday was the 4th and what a day yet again. It seems that since my Mom died 18 years ago that everything bad happens on the 4th. Oh well chalk it up to another fun year. I went to the cemetery yesterday. It was funny, I hadn’t been since Cern had taken me last year I believe, and I couldn’t even find Mom’s grave. Finally I found it and put the flowers on that my aunt made. I had a very nice talk with Shan on Saturday night. She helped me forget about the fireworks outside. Also made my plane reservations and sent Shan the conformation numbers and the itinerary. The date is set for Sept. 11th. I am real nervous but ecstatic in the same sense. I think it will be a good visit. Also SHE took Shan out for their anniversary yesterday. That was hard for me. I know this is how things are now but I guess it makes me insecure knowing she is out with HER. I want to get so angry but I can’t. I put myself in this situation and other than regretting what I did with Tina last year and leaving Shan in the first place I don’t regret anything right now. I heard the song Amazed by Lonestar the other night. It is amazing how much that song reminds me of Shan. Actually makes me cry when I hear it. But they are happy tears and I am sure she will see more of those in September. When I went to sleep last night I dreamt about what it will be like when I get to Ok City. So many emotions, Goddess, it is almost overwhelming thinking about it. I wish that I could scream out what my feelings are for her. I know the more I think about HER the more I want to just come out with it. I was almost shaking last night thinking about what SHE was doing or wanting to do with the woman I love. It is almost like I torture myself when I think too much. It is hot as Hades here today. The heat index has been over 100F and the electric hasn’t stayed on for two days. It keeps going off and yesterday was off in 5 towns 5 PM and by 8 that night 9 towns were w/o power. And they want us to stay cool??? Geesh. Well I guess that is all I wanted to write for now. If I write anymore I will just depress myself.